The Difference between Thankful and Grateful

Let’s start out by saying THANK YOU, WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR YOU! 

 Wait, did we say the same thing twice? 

No, there is actually a difference in thanks and gratitude!

You say “thank you” to others daily, for stuff ranging from getting your Starbucks handed over the counter to someone holding a door open for you when your hands are full. But, are you aware of the difference between being “thankful” versus being “grateful”? 

Kid PT wants to show you that difference and give you 10 ways that gratitude can enhance your life.

Thanksgiving- An American Tradition

Halloween is in our rearview mirror and we are marching toward the major holiday season, starting with Thanksgiving.  If you grew up in the US, you learned about the Pilgrims journey and their difficult conditions during travel and after arrival on what would become United States soil. You heard how the Native American people provided invaluable assistance in learning to survive the harsh, unfamiliar landscape, culminating in the celebration of what we have come to know as Thanksgiving,  The majority of you in the US today, don’t live life pitted against the elements, wild animals, and the challenge of depending on only the food you grow for sustenance, thank goodness.  It is easy to imagine how those desperate first settlers were incredibly excited when the skills they were taught began to show good results, like food growing! 

But, were they only THANKFUL, or were they also truly GRATEFUL?

The Difference between Thankful and Grateful

You (and many of us) were probably taught that when we say “Thank You” to someone, we were showing gratitude. Somewhere along the way, the words became used interchangeably when they aren’t.  According to psychmc.com, “Thankfulness involves how we feel in the moment, and like all feelings, eventually, it fades. Thankfulness is a temporary emotional response to a temporary circumstance.”  Of course, being thankful when something good or positive happens is a beautiful response! It is just not the same as being grateful for something in your life or world.  Again psychmc.com gives a perfect description of the difference, 

“Where thankfulness is an emotion, gratitude is an attitude of appreciation under any circumstance.”

Gratitude involves being thankful, but it is more than that. Gratitude means expressing thankfulness and being appreciative of life daily even when nothing exciting happens.” In other words, being grateful or having gratitude is a choice you make to practice for yourself, to be content with your own life (physically and mentally),even if you aren’t always happy or some negative things happen.  Thankfulness will fade when the excitement is over, whereas gratitude will remain with you, and provide a more durable satisfaction and sense of wellness. 

Gratitude Can Improve Well-Being

According to a 2018 study from the University of California Berkeley, “Research suggests that gratitude may be associated with many benefits for individuals, including better physical and psychological health, increased happiness and life satisfaction, decreased materialism, and more.”

The study states that “Gratitude is also important to forming and maintaining social relationships.” When you engage with someone and express gratitude for them, they are in turn more likely to express gratitude in return. The expression of gratitude is what helps us form new relationships and strengthen our current ones. Various studies have shown the positive effect of relationships on our emotional well-being, and it is one more added benefit of practicing gratitude. 

10 Ways Gratitude can enhance your life

Scientists have started studying the effects of practices lie positive thinking and gratitude, only in recent years.  According to https://www.montereybayparent.com, the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude is Dr. Robert Emmons. This “gratitude guru” conducted studies involving gratitude journals and found that when people regularly practice gratitude, they experience the following notable psychological, physical, and interpersonal benefits:

  1. Feel better about their lives overall
  2. Experience higher levels of positive emotions like optimism, enthusiasm, love, and happiness
  3. Are kinder and more generous to others
  4. Have fewer physical problems including pain
  5. Exercise more regularly and eat healthier
  6. Sleep better
  7. Visit the doctor more regularly for checkups
  8. Feel less stressed
  9. Able to cope with stress more effectively and recover more quickly from stressful situations
  10. Live longer–on average, being thankful adds 7 years to our lives!

Wow, I know I’d like to experience those benefits- how about you? 

The article goes on to say that this process of expressing gratitude works by interrupting the cycle of negative, down or upset thoughts.  The beauty of this process is you can do it anytime, anywhere, no special equipment or skills required,  While some people love to write in a beautiful journal with a fancy pen, others find typing or dictating a list into their phone gratifying, while still others feel most comfortable reciting a gratitude list or prayer (aloud or silently). This is a practice that can be shared with loved ones, friends, or children, or used as a time for quiet reflective meditation.  

No one size fits all for a gratitude practice, except that it can make EVERYONE feel better.

Kid PT Staff Gratitude Statements

In the spirit of gratitude, the Kid PT Staff wanted to share our expressions of gratitude with you.

Kelley (Admin): I am so grateful for my wonderful family and the amazing people I work with! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧❤️

Disha (OT): I’m grateful for my family and my dog ! 🙋‍♀️🐶

Mima (PT): I am grateful for my family, good health and my amazing life!! 👩‍🦱🏆

Wendy (OT): I am grateful for the love I feel each day from my family and friends and for the beauty of this fall season.  Isn’t it just gorgeous? 🧡🍁

Joni (PT/Director): I’m grateful for my family and my health.  I’m also so grateful for my Kid PT family!!!  🚶‍♀️🥰

Ali (PT): I am grateful for any time I get to spend with my family and close friends and for any time I get to spend in the outdoors because spending time with people I love and in nature makes me happy! 😀

Kat (PT): I am grateful:that I am married to my best friend and that I have a wonderful family.  Additionally, I’m grateful for the beautiful outdoors.   🌳👩🏻‍❤️‍👨🏻

Nina (OT): I’m grateful for community and I’m grateful for being surrounded and supported by loved ones! 💞🤲🏻

Melanie (Marketing): I’m grateful for all the people I love, especially my kids. Plus, gratitude for music, reading and theatre making the world a brighter, more positive place to live!  🎭🎶📚

Some of the Kid PT Team at Duke Farms

References:

https://www.psychmc.com/blogs/difference-between-gratitude-and-thankfulness#:~:text=Where%20thankfulness%20is%20an%20emotion,even%20when%20nothing%20exciting%20happens.

https://www.montereybayparent.com/articles/family-advice/10-benefits-of-practicing-gratitude-with-kids/

When learning about any topic, you can only learn so much from studying the academic literature. For example, if I want to understand Italy I can only learn so much from a textbook. In order to truly better understand Italy, It is vital that I actually go to Italy and experience first hand the climate, the weather, the people, the food, and the culture in varied settings and at different times of the year. Some things can’t be taught, they need to be experienced.

Why don’t we also do this with people with special needs and specifically autistic individuals

We may learn the physiology, the outward signs and symptoms, and theories on how to address and “treat” autistic people, but we will never truly understand autism by only relying on an outsider’s perspective. It is vital to listen to autistic voices in order to better understand, support them, and create an inclusive environment.

As autism is a spectrum and no two autistic people are the same, it is important to experience the perspective of a variety of people; from those who are non-verbal to those who have more asperger-like symptoms, those who have more physical limitations to those with more cognitive impairments,  and from the young to the old. With that in mind, we will be discussing two books: “Fall Down 7 Times and Get up 8” by Naoki Higashida and  “Look Me in the Eye: My life with Asperger’s” by John Elder Robison. 

Naoki Higashida wrote the book “The Reason I jump” at age 13 which has been translated from Japanese to over 30 languages. Through his works he has provided the world with the inner voice of a nonverbal child and now adult with severe autism. “Fall Down 7 Times, and Get Up 8” is an incredible book in which he shares wise insight, in depth descriptions of his thought processes, and also clever, creative writing. Naoki has a refreshing and enlightened outlook on life and his autistic diagnosis. He covers topics ranging from inexpressible gratitude for his family to the thought processes he uses to register what the sound of rain means to empathizing with his grandfather’s dementia. Despite the obstacles he faces as a nonverbal autistic individual, Naoki is determined to live with purpose and self love.   

John Elder Robison is an autistic man born in the late 1950’s who was undiagnosed until much later in life. His book is a captivating memoir of his extraordinary life as he makes it to the big time in the music industry, the corporate world, and then owning his own car service and dealership company while finding his niche in the world as a neurodiverse individual. He discusses the challenges of not knowing why he was different from other people and repeatedly claims that his childhood and early adulthood would have benefitted from a knowledge of his diagnosis. 

3 Takeaways from Both Books:

Autistics prefer to be alone: Debunked

Although it is a common trend for those with autism to isolate, that is more of a response to frustration than a desire to be alone. We all have experienced the pain of not fitting in and feeling uncomfortable in our skin and how all we wanted to do in that moment was run away. Those with autism, in self-preservation can do the same. The heart-breaking reality is that neurotypical people often grow out of this phase as they have more social tools available to them, while those on the autism spectrum, if not properly socialized and made welcome in a community, can find themselves isolated. Communication is a tool most people take for granted and underestimate. At the deepest levels of who we are, we crave to be known and to know others. It really is what life is about and autistic people are no exception. Communication is what makes that possible. John Elder says that he can’t speak for other autistics, but that he never wanted to be alone. He explains that due to repeated failure with attempts to connect with people, autistics are at risk to turn inwards and withdraw from others. Naoki describes wordlessness as a “soul crushing condition” and the loneliness is agony. But this loneliness can be interrupted as he goes on to explain that “if there is a single person who understands what it’s like for us, that’s solace enough to give us hope.” Naoki describes that just being in the presence of his family brings him comfort. He describes, “and from my face and reactions you wouldn’t know that I’m enjoying myself, but just watching my family being a family brings me great pleasure.”

Autistics want acceptance 

Naoki believes that he has his positive outlook on his autism because his parents were neither in denial of his autism or limited his potential because of it. They allowed him to dream, make choices, and respected his feelings. They treated him with the expectation that he was capable of more and provided him with relevant resources. They loved, dreamed with, and accepted him. It is natural to want the best for someone with autism and try to help them or even fix them. Naoki and John Elder agree that the deeper need is not to be fixed, it is to be loved and accepted for who they are, as they are. Naoki said, ““Love and only love makes whole the heart of those made desperate by loneliness.” Naoki’s advice is simple. Do as his parents did: “please lend us that support as we strive to live in society.” 

Autism is a communication disorder

Although someone with severe autism may not be able to show typical outward signs of understanding, it does not mean that they do not listen or have an inner voice that wants to communicate. Autism “may look like a severe cognitive impairment” but “it is a sensory processing and communicative impairment.” The old adage, don’t judge a book by its cover, is an important lesson to remember when spending time with someone with autism. Naoki gives us a sober insight that, “we are listening to everyone around us, & we hear you, you know.” He describes how demoralizing it can be when people speak about him as though he is not in the room. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity

Likewise, John Elder provides insight into why interactions and conversations with neurotypical people can be challenging and why his responses and actions can often be misinterpreted as socially inappropriate. He has a gifted way of describing his logical thought process which contributes to his difficulty reading social cues, engaging in small talk, and interpreting the intention behind the words of others. He explains that sometimes people have less compassion for him because there is no outward sign of his conversational handicap, but instead see him as arrogant or psychologically unstable. He suggests that with a deeper and broader understanding of the autism spectrum, the general public will be able to create a better and more inclusive environment for the neurodiverse.

To those of you reading this who communicate often with someone with autism, I want to encourage you. Yes, this is difficult, yes we will make mistakes, and yes, at times our frustration can get the best of us. But we need to remember that even if we don’t say or do the right thing all the time, the important thing is we love, respect, and accept autistic people for who they are. 

Referenced below are the books covered and others like it. 

References:

“Fall Down 7 Times, and Get Up 8.” Naoki Higashida, KA Yoshida, and David Mitchell

“Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Aspergers.” John Elder Robeson’s Book, 

Further Reading: 

“The Reason I Jump.” Naoki Higashida, David Mitchell, and Keiko Yoshida

“Carly’s Voice: Breaking through Autism.” Arthur and Carly Fleischmann

“How Can I talk if My Lips Don’t Move? Inside My Autistic Mind.” Tito Rajarshi Mukhopadhyay

“Born on a Blue Day: Inside the Extraordinary Mind of an Autistic Savant.” Daniel Tammer

“Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger’s Syndrome.” Liane Holliday Willey

“Thinking in Pictures.” Temple Grandin

What does movement have to do with Autism, you ask? In short, EVERYTHING! Movement is the way we interact with our environment, one of the ways we make sense of all the information around us, and the way we turn our will into action! Even something that seems so based in the brain, like writing or typing our thoughts down, involves movement to actually get those thoughts onto paper or into a computer. 

But what if the wiring in your brain telling your body to move a certain way wasn’t communicating that information effectively?

Or what if the information you were getting from your environment, like the sights or feelings around you were coming in as too bright, too sharp, or not clear enough?

What if you couldn’t necessarily tell where your body was in relation to your environment or where your legs and arms were while walking around?

It would be so much harder for you to get around without knocking into things, to react to your environment in the safest way, move the way you wanted, and keep your stress level down while doing all of these things, right?!

These are just some of the small or large mountains that a person with Autism needs to climb on a daily basis to feel like their normal selves and to engage with our crazy world. Movement can be overwhelming and difficult to coordinate or extra movements may be necessary to feel where their bodies are in space. With the many lenses we can look through from a therapy perspective, we often land on the tie between Autism and movement and want to discuss the connection and why children with Autism may be inclined to move more and to move in their own individual way.

Movement to meet sensory needs: 

  • Often, neurotypical people take the ordered processing of environmental sensory input for granted. There are many ways that valuable information from the environment can be altered as the brain and body perceive it. It can not be perceived enough or perceived too intensely by the body and the brain. Below we are going to talk about multiple sensory systems that can be affected and how that may cause changes in movement.
  • Our vestibular system senses movement and contributes to our sense of balance. When someone does not perceive vestibular input strongly enough, they may partake in a lot of extra rocking or spinning movements. This may help them get a better sense of where their body is and how gravity is affecting them, so they don’t just feel like they are floating when they move.
  • Our proprioceptive system tells us where our joints and limbs are, like how bent your knee is when you are going to climb a stair or that your arms are resting by your sides when sitting on the couch. If this system is not giving enough information, it may take extra effort OR over reliance on another system, like the visual system, for someone to know where their legs are while climbing the stairs, while balancing, and while walking, to name a few examples. Not perceiving enough proprioceptive input can make someone confused about where their body is at all times. To help decrease their confusion, they may seek and need extra deep pressure input from their environment. This can come in the form of pressing on things, like desks, walls, unsteadiness during movement, looking for tight squeezes and hugs, and enjoying weighted items like weighted blankets.

Movement that is Difficult to Coordinate:

  • Neurotypical people often take the ability to produce clear, coordinated movement for granted too. For some people, kicking a ball is not as simple as the brain saying “okay kick” and then their leg executing that action. Sometimes the signals get misconstrued and there is extra movement of body parts, body parts do things together when they aren’t supposed to, or balance suddenly becomes more difficult. Some people have to think about what their standing leg is doing separate from what their kicking leg is doing, separate from what their upper body is doing. And oh yeah don’t forget about coordinating the movements of your eyeballs so you can see too! It’s not always as easy as one, two, three, and sometimes can feel like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and so on!
  • Movement can become especially tricky to coordinate when the sensory information from the environment is perceived in a disordered way too. For example, you dodge a ball flying your way based on the fact that you see or hear that ball. You walk forward to get your cup of water from a table and know how far to walk, where the table is, how far to reach your arm, how wide the cup is, and how heavy the cup is once you pick it up. Now, Imagine if you couldn’t get your eyes to work together to see the ball coming your way… you might not move out of the way in time! OR imagine if you couldn’t feel how heavy the cup of water was and it was heavier than it felt to you… you might drop the cup! Putting all of these things together takes a lot of extra energy and effort and all the errors in perception often lead to errors in the execution of movement, even if the mover is trying their very best to do the right thing.
  • Not moving or moving slowly requires even more precise control of your movement! Many autistic children move fast and the observer may think that child has great movement control. Learn more about how that may not be true here.

Now add extra distractions of daily life to the Mix!

  • Another piece to the puzzle is the trickiness of dual tasking! Again, a neurotypical individual often takes dual tasking for granted. Dual tasking is what happens when someone walks and talks at the same time, or eats and watches a television show with ease. It gives us our ability to put one of the things we are doing on autopilot while focusing on something that takes a little bit more brain power.
  • When someone with Autism is trying to coordinate their movements as described above, it may take a decent amount of brain power. But then, a lot of the things in their environment demand a lot of attention, like the people around them or the sights, smells, sounds, and etc. So all of the thought energy that is needed to go toward their movement gets divided between movement and other things. This can create even more difficulty coordinating movement and may lead to overall disordered movement patterns as your child or adult moves through their everyday life. 

These are just some of the big reasons why movement can be tricky and discoordinated in autistic children and how it can impact os many areas of daily life, from getting dressed in the morning to social interaction. We know this is A LOT of information to take in, but this connection is an important one to make because when movement is hard, it makes coping with everyday life hard and stressful! If you feel like coordinating movement or movement with other daily tasks is sometimes tricky for your child, call (908) 543-4390 or visit our website at www.kidpt.com to schedule a FREE Discovery Visit today!

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